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Luckily her not-really-uncle Joey dispatches his old associate, Shane (if you’ve guessed that his occupation is hitman, good for you. You are an astute observer of modern fiction!), to aid his “little Agnes”. Given that Agnes has sent the intruder – who fell through a heretofore unknown doorway (wallpaper covers a multitude of sins) – to heaven, Shane figures protection is the last thing she needs.

But she’s a great cook and he sticks around. Good thing.

Agnes’s anger management problems are deep-rooted and genuine. She has a lot of mental conversations with her former court-appointed psychiatrist (see previous re: issues with frying pans). The good doctor spends a lot of time trying to reason with Agnes, or, rather, Agnes spends a lot of time trying to reason with herself. It takes her a while to realize she needs to make better choices.

For example, she’s bought a great old house from the mother of her best friend. Okay, the house is rather ramshackle, but if things work out – and things would be a bestselling cookbook co-written with her chef fiancé Taylor – then the house will come together. Except, part of the purchase agreement stipulates that Agnes must host a wedding for said best friend’s daughter. If the wedding happens, things are great; no wedding, the house is repossessed.

As Agnes enters the final week before the wedding, it looks like the house is hers. Granted, a week that starts with an attempted dognapping, death, and a hitman isn’t auspicious. Agnes fights tooth and nail to keep the wedding on track, only to discover that betrayal lurks around the corner in unexpected ways.

Of course, she’s not known as Cranky Agnes (get it, mob name?, cute, huh?) for nothing, and when the going gets tough, Agnes gets tougher. The Wedding Will Happen. The House Will Be Hers.

Luckily, Shane the hitman is handy to have around. Not only is he good at disposing unwanted items like dead bodies, but he’s also quite resourceful. The guy knows how to run errands. You gotta love that in a man. Of course, Shane is dealing with a few issues of his own. Like the fact that he’s back in his hometown. And the fact that several people have manipulated the situation to make sure he stays there.

Shane unfolds slow and steady on the page. He’s good at what he does, doesn’t really see a need to change course. He’s the strong, silent type, an alpha male who goes gooey for the right woman. You know he’s a keeper from the moment he meets Agnes. He gets her.

This isn’t a “will they or wont’ they” type romance. Shane and Agnes certainly will. The question becomes what happens with the shooting stops and real life resumes. Shane’s up for a promotion at work (yeah, well, you gotta make room for the next generation) and that means leaving town. Or maybe trying to figure out a way to make a long-distance job work. Or something.

First they have to get through the wedding. I’m trying desperately not to give too much away here, so I’m just going to suggest that the body count is high. My guess this is a personal choice of both authors, though I admittedly haven’t read Mayer in the past. Crusie, certainly, has exhibited a certain bloodthirstiness over the course of career, not to mention creative notions for storing dead bodies.

Still, despite the shoot-em-up nature of the novel, this is essentially a story about home and family. Agnes wants to live happily ever after in her big rambling house (once it gets decently air conditioned). Abandoned and mostly orphaned at a young age, she has carefully built a solid, dependable, slightly insane family for herself. And even though Agnes can choose her family, well, you know how these things go. Sometimes what seem like good decisions, well, aren’t.

Still, the core gang is solid: Lisa Livia, mob princess and Agnes’s best friend; Maria, Lisa Livia’s daughter, second-generation mob princess, hysterical – with reason – bride-to-be; Joey, former mobster who sees Agnes like a member of his own family; Shane, hitman who knows how to make a woman happy; Rhett, loyal canine and unwitting catalyst for the major events of the story. The key here, as with all great stories that focus on the importance of family, is that every single character here has a few warts. And they love each other, despite the flaws. If Shane hadn’t shown up, you just known that Agnes would have been just fine with the family she’s created.

As I mentioned to a friend, much of this book felt reminiscent of my beloved Welcome To Temptation. In theory, the books are entirely different, but there was something in the execution that brought that earlier book to mind.

Maybe it was the wallpaper, maybe it was the dog, maybe it was the therapy, maybe it was the eccentric small town atmosphere, maybe it was the way Agnes clung to her home with almost desperate tenacity. She needed that house as much as it needed her.

One thing about Crusie/Mayer that makes me feel, well, all warm and fuzzy inside is the fact that reading their conversations is like living conversations with my family. We are given two ears for a reason – and I believe it’s because two are the bare minimum necessary to keep track of multiple conversations. Especially when at least one conversation is drifting toward the dangerous and might require intervention at any moment.

Let’s just say that any time my mother starts talking about my childhood, my radar is working overtime. I like big, messy conversation where everyone is talking and messages are crossing and criss-crossing each other. Good dialogue is an art and I admire authors who can use dialogue to move the story forward in a way that sounds like it’s just casual conversation.

With Don’t Look Down, I admit that I spent a little bit of time trying to isolate individual author voices (natural, I believe). There, I’d think, that’s her. But that, I’d note smugly, is him. In this novel, the knitting of individual voices and styles is nearly invisible. Rather than proving a jarring distraction as one voice suddenly overwhelms another, the tightly integrated styles keeps the story first and foremost.

Whew!

That being said, I am certain that Mayer is responsible for a higher level of technical stuff when it comes to weaponry and fighting and killing. This is more commentary on his background than it on Crusie’s ability to research. And, I must say, the person who had the idea for the chapter introductions, well, I’m just not sure those work as well as hoped. And, while I’m serving up a bit of crank, I’m also not crazy about how certain aspects of Shane’s career were handled. Sure, it worked in terms of the story, but, man, you know, if you’re gonna write a bad boy….

A final note before I turn you loose to read this one for yourself: yes, my dear friends, a certain favorite character from Don’t Look Down makes an appearance here.

You can find Jennifer Crusie and Bob Mayer here. You can buy Agnes and the Hitman here or here.